So Long
by nightpheonix
Summary: Siege pt. II tag, John's and Rodney's POV on the last scene between them.
1. John

A/N: Well, I'm finally trying my hand at angst…and I'm a little afraid…so lots and lots of positive feedback would be nice. Constructive would be even better, to let me know if it's too unbelievable, or not angst-y enough, or just plain old never should have seen the light of the computer screen. (If it's any good, I have a second chapter with McKay POV planned!)

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**So Long**

Goodbyes were never my strong suit. I'm terrible at accepting other peoples, and even worse at saying my own. Sure, maybe if I had more time, I might have been able to come up with something a little more profound. But time is never something we have enough of, and as I get out of the chair to do what I have to do, all I say is a hasty, "So long, Rodney,"

Yeah. Not quite famous last words material, definitely not, "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country." _So long_ isn't something you say to your best friend just as you're going on a suicide mission. _So long_ is "Hey, see you 'round." _So long_ is "Be back soon." _So long _is just my quick, cowardly way to avoid emotional goodbyes.

It's not like I planned to leave McKay with something as crappy as that. It's not exactly a great feeling, having the last thing you ever say to a friend be two simple, heartless words. But what the hell can you say at a time like this? "Goodbye McKay, it's been nice working with you, hope this works, good luck with the rest of the battle"? Somehow, I think he'd prefer the "So long."

Maybe it's better that way. "So long, see you soon," we can pretend like it's just another risky mission that we'll escape from battered and pretty flipped out, but still alive. It happens all the time: we cheat death on practically a weekly basis, and I've thought I was probably going to die plenty of times before. "So long" meaning, "Sure, just another certain doom situation, but we'll be back to normal and laughing about this before morning."

Yeah. It's not convincing me either.

The difference between this and any other time I, "pull a Captain Kirk," in McKay's words, is that I know this is really it. Any other time I have known I _could_ die, but now I know I _will_ die. Rodney seems to think that I enjoy going out and being the self-sacrificing hero. Well, I don't. This isn't something I _want _to do, I _have_ to do it.

And he knows it too. He calls after me a few times, but doesn't follow, just stands therein disbelieving horror. I thought he might come after me, to try and stop me, but I guess he knows better by now than attempt to convince me otherwise. Part of me almost wants him to try, to at least give me an excuse. But I keep walking and don't look back. "So long, Rodney, I'll see you just after I get out of this, at which point you will yell at me for being so 'Kirk-esque' and you'll probably be pissed at me for a good while, but at least we'll both have made it through alive."

Nope, it still doesn't convince me.

So long.


	2. Rodney

I've been in Atlantis for almost a year now, and I guess it's safe to say I know some people pretty well. I hadn't expected it at all when I got here, I didn't even _want _it. But you can't work with anyone in this setting without finding out things about them.

For example, I knew exactly what the major was doing when he got out of the chair.

I know I should be in disbelief, and I am. I know I should be horrified, and I am. But I know I should be surprised and I'm not. I hate what he's done, but somehow it just makes sense.

Oddly enough, what I can't get my mind around is the "So long." It's just so like him: his flippant way of completely dismissing anything dangerous. Whenever we are faced by death and danger, every single time without exception, he will spout some remark that must undoubtedly pass as 'witty' in his mind. I have no idea what the thought process behind that is, if any thought goes on at all. Is it something like, "If I make the situation funny by wisecracking, then the trouble goes away"?

_Hey, my friend's about to go kill himself to save the rest of us, isn't that hilarious?_

Nope, that's definitely not the reason.

Maybe he thinks "So long" is better. Maybe he believes that it just makes things easier for the both of us: no tearful good byes, no complex emotions shown, nothing but three short words. I can see why he might not want to give a long-winded speech, but something a little more personal might have been nice. I mean, we've saved each other's lives so many times it's not worth keeping track anymore. When near death experiences become a weekly occurrence, it's difficult not to become friends, even if you never planned on it. I'm not asking for much, just anything but "So long." Maybe, "Well, McKay, it's been nice working with you," or "Thanks for saving my ass as much as I've saved yours." Hell, at this point, I'm thinking I'd rather have had him walk out wordlessly than just "So long."

And did he spare a thought that even if _he_ didn't want to say anything, then _I_ might have? Did he even consider that maybe I'm not as shallow as he is; maybe I might've wanted to say something a little more meaningful than "So long"? Did it even cross his mind that I just might want to tell him what in idiot he's being?

Of course it didn't. He's too damn busy being a selfless martyr to think about anyone else.

And y'know what? No one's even going to know what he did. Even if he does single-handedly save Atlantis and Earth, it's not like the Earthlings will ever find out about the so-called "courage" of one Major John Sheppard, USAF. And the rest of us don't even know if we'll live long enough to be able to recognize his "brave sacrifice," which, if we all die, would be rendered useless anyways. Talk about misplaced heroics.

What's that they say about soldiers? That they don't die, they just…fade away. But he couldn't do either of those things. Defending the place we all called home, defending _us_—that's simply Sheppard, going out in a typical blaze of glory. But from where I'm standing, it's neither a blaze of glory nor a fading away.

It's just one dot on a screen of many, blinking out.

And that's it. That's the end. The end of the friendship I hadn't even wanted in the first place. I stare at the screen a few more seconds, unwilling to accept it. I've seen the man go into cardiac arrest and live, get thrown twenty feet on two separate occasions and escape with just two broken ribs, be shot, nearly blown up, and poisoned, and still be able to show up like clockwork for breakfast in the mess hall the next morning. I've seen him survive things no one should have survived, what makes this time any different? But when the Canadian technician whose name I still can't remember reports, "Target has been neutralized," that adds an air of finality to it.

Elizabeth is the first to break the gloomy, morose silence. Her voice is filled with tears, and she only manages to choke out, "He did it."

So now's my chance to be the better man, to actually say something more meaningful than "So long" or that scripted military "it was an honor to serve" crap. Now's my chance to say the goodbye I wanted to say, But I know that now that goodbye is just as meaningless as the "so long" because I didn't say it when I could have. I know that meaningful words aren't coming to me; even if they were, my throat is too choked up to be able to say anything much longer than the four words I barely manage to whisper.

"Yeah. He did it."

So much for being the better man.

So long.

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So… which POVs did you like better? Personally, I think the first one's a little stronger, but I want to know what you think. Do the perspectives feel different, or the same? Comments, criticism, and commendations most welcome! Hope you enjoyed!

If you want a really good McKay POV for "Siege II," check out chapter 2 of emergencyfan's Dominoes Doesn't Deliver Here.


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